It wasn't a failure, it was a refocusing

We did not finish the complete challenge.  The attitude, conservative spending and consciously looking for ways to help others--yes. The poverty food challenge--no. 

For weeks I felt guilty but then I realized we didn't quit because we got busy or lazy or didn't appreciate the concept; we stopped because we hit a family crisis....

While Donnie was in Guatemala, something began manifesting in one of the small one's life.  It snowballed so quickly and so dramatically that it slammed into our little world before I even, really, saw it coming.  I refused to let Donnie know what was going on back home so that he could focus on his work there.  I told a select few, only to ask for prayers and wisdom; and then told Donnie everything the morning after he returned (welcome home!). 

He returned two days before the middle one's birthday and our focus was temporarily turned to that and then our friends' visit the day after that.  When we set up the challenge's schedule, we had planned to take a week off to cover both the birthday and the visitors, but we had not planned on being hit with this family crisis.  Perhaps others would have trudged through--splitting their focus between their child's issue and the poverty challenge--but we decided to skip the last ten days of the challenge and focus on our family. 

There are some days I wish we would have trudged through--stopping ten days before the end sounds like a failure.  But then I remember the fear and anger and array of emotions I had to deal with alone at first and then later with Donnie and I'm thankful we were willing to quit and turn 100% of our attention to her.  She was worth it.  She IS worth it.


Because we didn't finish, I feel it's incomplete--like I can't give a summary quite yet.  Maybe one day, one day soon, we will complete it.  Or come up with a new extended and broader challenge... Oh the possibilities!

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

Guatemala focus, Day seven.

Wow.  Poverty awareness month (PAM) is hard.  I miss my variety of veggies.  I miss my fruits.  I really miss my salads.  The kids' Halloween candy screams at me every day....

 

Sigh.

I could sit here and write about everything we're learning--we are learning a lot--but instead I'm going to confess.  --There has not been one day of PAM that I have not cheated.  Yep.  There you have it--I suck at sticking to poverty foods. In my defense, I didn't want the lettuce to go to waste on day four (okay, and I have a salad almost everyday and was going through serious withdrawals).  Also I figured, I can call it an "ensalada" and I'm golden.  :/

If it were just the salad, I probably wouldn't feel the need to confess.  But it's the yogurt, cup of tea, Reese's PB cup in a pumpkin shape (the shapes are the best), peanut butter with my banana.... Everyday it's an internal struggle and every day I fail at least once. 

In all honesty, it doesn't help that Donnie is sending us pictures of his Guatemalan fare and it looks nothing like our meal packs (which one week into a daily pack and I have taken to bribery--finish your portion without complaint and you get a piece of your Halloween candy)! 

They call it "mamón chino" but it's called a Rambutan in the States.

He said it had the consistency of a peeled grape and was quite tasty.

The waiter gave two options when ordering steak: with or without fat. (I might not be too jealous of that!)

OK, this one I'm not jealous of at all, but I had to share the picture!

Moral of the story: while I'm constantly cheating and unable to stick with my own rules for some reason, doing this challenge has opened my eyes and amazed me by the countless blessings in my life, my family member's lives, and my friends lives.  I am so grateful that I am able to "cheat" by having a salad or a yogurt or a cup of tea--or allowing my kids to have a piece-of-candy bribe.  I know that I am jokingly complaining about stumbling through this month, but I still wouldn't change it and won't quit now.

It's in the bag

Guatemala Day Two.

Wow, I was so focused on getting through October that I didn't take time to really think through November. It makes sense that it is harder--instead of forcing yourself to live off of the items you've already purchased, you have to live off foods that you only eat if you cannot afford anything else. 

We're doing normal breakfasts--at least for now--so no complaining there.  And then lunch came around.  Today I made our first meal bag:

 

and it did not go as well as I was hoping.  It actually smelled good as it was cooking so I wasn't sure why the small ones were so nervous.  The kids kept popping in and out of the kitchen asking to see what it looked like, so they were all there when I started to dish it up.  The cooking directions said 6-10 cups of water so I elected to go with eight which was apparently too much because as I turned the cup over the bowl it made an ever so unappetizing slopping sound.  HA!  I could not stop laughing at the looks on the girls' faces. 

Our one cup serving sizes all dished up.  Yes, I used a kids bowl too.

We started with a prayer--which included asking for the kids to have wisdom beyond their years to understand the poverty issues we are studying and that they remember that food is meant to be fuel, not always a favorite taste.  I then told them about some of the research I had found and these meals are a way for people to help send food to families who have nothing to eat--or sometimes nothing more than tortillas like in Guatemala. 

 

To be honest, it wasn't bad at all.  I added a little salt and was pleasantly surprised by the flavor (I didn't necessarily have high hopes).  The kids started off eating without complaint so I took a second to snap a picture of each:

 

You can tell by the fake A-Okay sign in the bottom corner that the complaints were coming.  Actually, she was fairly sweet about it saying "It's not my favorite but I am grateful I have food and I will eat it."  (Sweetie)  Then the middle one piped in with "I would be grateful for only tortillas!"  (cue eye-roll)  The youngest had a problem getting it to stay on his spoon for some reason, but finally ate eat his entire serving.  As did the oldest.  The middle one sat there for an hour and ate 1/4-1/3 of her serving.  I finally released her explaining that if she wasn't hungry enough to eat this, she wasn't hungry enough for anything until dinner.  About three hours later, we were walking around the grocery store and she was holding her stomach, whimpering and asking how much longer until we went home. Ahhh, hunger pains. 

 

Dinner of mashed pinto beans and tortillas went over very well.  Absolutely no complaints.  I think we'll stick with the meal bag at lunch so they have satisfied tummies at bedtime.  I understand that many kids go to bed hungry, so I may change my mind so we get an extra dose of empathy, but--selfishly--I really want them to sleep, so I can.

 



Guatemala in a tortilla shell

1/1/32.  No, I'm not thinking it's New Years day in the future.  It means: Day One of Poverty Awareness/Day One of Guatemala Focus/Day Thirty-Two of challenge.

I woke up today realizing that it's no longer $0 month and my first instinct was "I can shop!!!" and then I realized--other than rice, beans, and some veggies--there is nothing I need.  What an amazing feeling.  I need nothing.  So blessed!

Guatemala.

I'll confess, when I first started researching Guatemala with Donnie I wasn't 100% sure how to spell it.  (Don't judge, all things English class related were never my forte--which I'm assuming has become crystal clear by now.)   Now I can not only spell "Guatemala" I know quite a bit about the country's poverty issues. 

Quick Facts:

• 50% of all children have chronic malnutrition; in some areas the rate is as high as 90%
• Guatemala has the highest percentage of malnourished children in all of Latin America
• 42% of Guatemalan citizens do NOT have access to clean water
• 75% of the population is estimated to live below the poverty line (defined as an income that is insufficient to purchase a basic basket of goods and services)
• 58% of the population have incomes below the extreme poverty line 
• 45% of the population over the age of 15 is illiterate
• The infant mortality rate is 55 per 1,000 live births
• The maternal mortality rate is 110 per 100,000 live births
• 16% of infants suffer from low birth weight
• Whenever there is a financial crisis within Guatemala, the government cuts education and social sector expenditures (food subsidies, housing allowances, healthcare, etc.) first; showing a lack of willingness to invest in their citizens

Poverty Foods:

• Tortillas (mostly corn but some flour)
• Beans
• Rice
• Corn
• Eggs
• Bananas
• Coffee (often times one of the first liquids given to infants there!)

Foods that are available to purchase but often not affordable:

• Squash
• Tomatoes
• Chilies
• Tropical fruits
• Cocoa
• Chicken
• Some beef
• Diary products (milks and cheeses)
• Breads

What I found stated over and over again in my research is that for most of the underprivileged it's not that they don't eat, it's that they don't eat well.  Some families live solely on tortillas.  Others are "lucky" enough to add rice and/or beans to their meals.  (I tend to think of malnourished people not eating, not that they can fill tummies with nothing but starchy foods--essentially eating but yet starving their bodies.)   Regardless, the poor are severely lacking in proteins and vitamins. 

I'm not entirely sure what I plan to make and eat during these next nine days.   I know that I will keep my kids healthy and thriving because I am blessed enough to be able to provide the luxurious poverty foods.  An oxymoron--luxurious poverty.  What I haven't decided is if I will be sneaky with how I give them proteins, fruits and veggies (so that they think they're eating as the Guatemalans do) or if I will simply explain _____ items are normal Guatemalan fare and ______ are blessings we have to keep us healthy. 

In an effort to put my money where my mouth is, I will be preparing the family one package a day of a protein meal sent to various places--now including Guatemala.

This pouch offers a remarkable amount of vitamins and protein.  And SIX servings for $1.25!
Thank you Katie for your willingness to send us some!

I do know one thing, with each passing day of this family challenge I have never felt more blessed by my surroundings and possessions, nor have I felt more blessed to be an American.    



A startling video from World Focus on the poverty conditions in Guatemala. 

Part Two -- The Balance

First, and most importantly, let me update the orphan water situation I wrote about a week ago.  Two more children have died in a new wave of dysentery and all of the remaining eighteen children are alive and receiving care.  Another orphanage has been found (by a team who got lost going to help the original orphanage) who is also suffering from the epidemic and have already lost five children.  Please look into http://abicongo.blogspot.com/ to get more information on how to help and continue to keep them in your thoughts and prayers. 

 Day Thirty-one.

My thoughts from day twenty-seven have left me conflicted. 

On one hand I absolutely refuse to go back to turning a blind eye to the grave food and water conditions around they world.  It's unacceptable to me.  I will find a way to help.  I have returned to school, this time focusing on nursing (not so sure what I'll do with that business degree just yet).  I'm hoping that a nursing degree will eventually allow me (through both finances and knowledge) to travel on missions trips and make a difference to those in need. 

On the other hand I also know I must find some balance to my discoveries.  I need to find ways to help, but I also need to live my life and--more importantly--allow my kids to live theirs.  So how do I go from the knowledge to the implementation of helping without becoming a fanatic?  What is the balance?  Will I know it when I find it?  Is it possible?

Tomorrow we start our "Poverty Awareness" weeks (thanks Donnie for the great title).  What will it bring?  I am going into it with only a dab of excitement.  I am nervous it will be met with much more resistance from the small ones since living out of our pantry hasn't been nearly as hard as we imagined.  But I also feel the lessons will feel more tangible so that is an exciting thought to me. 

As the oldest said tonight: time for rice and beans.  :)

NOT Funny

Day Twenty-Nine

My sister and brother in law are in town (they have been since Saturday night) and are living the poverty life with us. ;) 

Even willing to have beans and cornbread with us!

It has been fun sharing our food challenge with our family again.  Brittany and DJ have been great sports about it all and have helped with groceries since the amount of people in the house has nearly doubled. 

I did break the rules for them though: I promised my BIL a special dessert while he was deployed and I got to make them an entire 13x9 pan this weekend.  --And I don't feel guilty about that rule break at all.  Ha!

I found one thing completely ironic and NOT funny while I was out with my sister yesterday.  My little niece needed some winter clothes, so we went to various stores--one of them being Children's Place.  Some of you may remember my poor attitude regarding the shoes I really wanted for the middle one--high-top, leopard print tennis shoes with pink glitter laces.  Well we walk into the store and there sat this shirt:

"I ♥ my...."

Her birthday is fourteen days away and the frustration at wanting the shoes--and now this shirt to go with those shoes--came flooding back.  But I stood strong. 

Thanks DJ and Brittany for being great house guests and being brave enough to visit during the end of our $0 October.  Now time to "hillbilly" it up.  ;)

Part One -- The Ruined

When I started writing about my experiences during this challenge, I expected it to mostly be light-hearted and funny experiences.  But I'm finding more and more that's not always the case.  Please remember that I use this more as a journal than anything else so if my emotions vary and I seem passionate about something, it's simply because I'm writing my thoughts--my confused and conflicted thoughts.



Day Twenty-Seven.

I'm ruined.

No longer can I go about my normal life or through my errands (like the grocery store) without thinking about some of the things I've read or learned or the pictures I've seen over these past few weeks. They are forever etched into my brain and will haunt me until I die. 

But, I'm not upset about my ruining, I'm upset by the ruining.  There is a difference. A huge difference.

You see I've been guilty of living my life with a terrible case of  defense mechanisms.  I use them all the time: projection, displacement, repression, compensation.... But I have a favorite when it comes to seemingly insurmountable situations.  I use it all the time:  denial.

Denial works beautifully for me whenever I learn or hear something that I am unable to control--even if it's something I really want to help with.  If I feel that I am too insignificant to help, then I am well trained at feeling horrible, "realizing" there's nothing I can do (somehow pretending it doesn't exist) and then going back to my life. 

Denial.

I even don't do it consciously.  I simply feel "What can I do? I'm only one person." or "My finances couldn't go far enough to make a difference; there's no way!" .  It's true that I am only one person.  And it's true that our finances are tighter now than they ever have been.  But is turning away from the problems around me--to pretend as though because I cannot directly see them they don't exist--the right way to handle it? No.  I firmly believe: no.

I may only be one girl but even if I can only help one person, isn't he/she worth it?  Isn't that one life, one living and breathing human being ,worth my effort?  Worth my feelings of intense sadness and frustration at the living situations around the world?  I can't help but think about the starfish story.  I know that I can't help everyone, it is literally impossible, but if I can help just one then I have succeeded. 

No longer can I have the "luxury" of denial.  Poverty, starvation, deadly drinking water, orphaned children, abandoned elderly, etc exist all around and turning away only helps me cope.  In my tiny, all-American bubble I've been selfish.  No way around it.  The old me would want to use one of the defense mechanisms in my repertoire; but I will not.  I will no longer allow my selfishness to win.  I cannot allow it to win.

I am ruined.  --And I'm so grateful for it.